pieces.of.soul

ehe just an announcement.
blog is at http://27luvbite.blogspot.com/
check it out when you have the time. *sneezes*
see ya!

i have come to the conclusion that i will not just blog to entertain or whatever. this is my personal space - i have the right to write whatever i want, right?

i admit i’m a mess, okay? i admit that ever since i came back from NS i’ve been a time bomb waiting to explode - no, wait, actually exploding every 5 minutes. i’m tired of being judged & criticized, and shot down. i’m tired of being confused about what i want to do, & having people add to the confusion. once i’ve made up my mind, stop, okay? don’t make me sit around regretting my decisions.

i’m so tired of being home. people may want this life, but i dont think i do anymore. for so many months, years - i’ve persevered, waiting for that ultimate chance of freedom. it’s gone, but my conscience remains. i know what i HAVE to do is very much different from what i WANT to do, but you know what i would choose.

life is very difficult to live with you, you know? not that i dont want to, but we’re very different & i’m tired of compromising.

i’m tired of being myself, being that way that i am… so overly sensitive about what other people have to say, so concerned about what other people do… perhaps i’m the one creating all the trouble here - probably it’s been me that causes strains to all the relationships i have with people. is it just my nature or what?

the things i were able to do when i was younger… it seems like i’ve degenerated somehow. my mental blocks, these imaginary walls i’ve built up in my head! how on earth do i get over these?

why do these selfish tears fall?

i am happy. seriously happy.
SPM is over!!! and we hav gorgeous stuff ahead of us. tho nostalgia will hit us once in a while, i’m sure. but then again, why be upset over something so beautiful?

seriously, i’m high. maybe i should sleep and blog another day about this.

my darlings, you’ve made me the person i am today.

my baby, i love you.

so much to catch up on. lets see…
27th was 1st mth anniversary. feels like a lot longer tho, u noe. went to college, met up n all. was quite gorgeous really. [if u get wat i mean]

today i went to check out my NS camp.
yes, i am going for NS. 1st batch, in dengkil sorta area.
the fun started even b4 we left the house.

mom: lets go!
dad: wait i can’t find the map.
mom: didn’t you bring it down?
dad: yes yes i’m sure i brought it down. lets seee… (searches) oh maybe i left it in the toilet. (checks) no, not in toilet… hmmm
li: why don’t you go upstairs n check?
dad: okay. (goes upstairs) OHHHHH! it’s here.
mom: ….
dad: okay lets go. (walks out of house without mom n me knowing)
mom & li: (folding clothes)
li: say, is dad already outside?
mom: omg he is. stupid man.
dad: are you comiiingg???
mom: …. did you bring your camera?
dad: OMG my camera! (rushes into house and goes upstairs to get camera)
mom: ….
li: okay now everyone has everything, lets go.
mom: okay, got your bio book yeah?
li: OMG my bio book! (rushes into house) wait i can’t find my bio book.
mom: didn’t you bring it down?
li: yes yes i’m sure i brought it down. lets seee… (searches then realizes since i have so many dad-traits, i know exactly where i left it)
(after proceeding upstairs)
li: OHHHH! it’s here.
mom: ….
(once we get into the car and i throw the book onto the seat, some papers fall out)
li: ooh whats this? (reads the name of some malay chap)
dad: hey that’s mine! where did you get that?
li: it’s inside my book.
dad: ooooooh. i’ve been looking for it. say, i just came home last nite. how did it get into your book?
li: i have no idea.
mom: …. (mutters something like "i dont know how i can put up with these people)

anyway the journey there was fun. first, raining so hard we couldnt see. i told dad to turn off at dengkil (5km from there) then we realized it was the rest stop.
anyway, then passed the Measat place where we saw gigantic satellite discs, pretty cool. then off to a country road, which is so cantik. i love msian countryside roads. gonna go on a road trip one day, i hope i hope.

the camp was quite nice really. spoke to the guards, nice chaps. apparently it’s a good camp, meaning usually no probs, ppl have fun and very strict discipline. sounds good to me, so it’s like OKAY i’ll do it. i’ll go for ns.

nvm abt my valentine’s day. we have next year, dont we? :S

lianne’s episode on mistakes and muddle-ups made during SPM period:

- quote SPM BM paper: "Jika kita sayang akan bahasa, kita mesti menggunakan bahasa yang betul pada setiap masa dan keadaan, kerana…"
a very high percentage of Msian students would put ‘bahasa jiwa bangsa’ or something close to it, right? guess what lianne puts? ‘alah bisa tegal biasa’. want to bisa my head lar, ishhhh.

- i left my entire pencilbox containing IC, exam slip, calculator, etc. on the table outside the hall. thank God kim called me 2 tell me ms susan had it - thx gurl. i think my mom would’ve hung me out to dry on the clothesline if i left it in school.

- during lunch today
ying: hm, let me read about k-ekonomi to you.
li: ala, is it important? ok you go thru sikit. wait, i’ll sms sekejap.
and a bit later
ying: is Adolf Hitler important?
li: i dun think so lar….
and a lot later after SPM sejarah
li: SH*****T. i am going to listen 2 u next time lar ying.

- i have this gorgeous pencilbox with a place to put the IC, ziplock n all. obviously, lianne breaks the ziplock lar. n insult to injury, at the start of sejarah, Msia’s most feared paper, it doesnt frigging open. i tell you, my heartbeat pace tripled as i pryed n yanked at it - opened at last minute. now i put a clip there to make sure it doesnt totally close up again.

- i canceled off the word "modal intelek" in my sejarah paper 2 which turned out to be the right answer. this happens for TRIALS not for the real SPM okayyy??? >.<

aw well. i just pray nothing else happens, like finding the wrong angle for the planes questions in Math tomorrow, or missing out my negative sign. ladida. all the best to all the people who are also involved in this plight - may you survive and conquer the passing evil. over and out.

day rating: 4/10

riddle: it appears unexpectedly, in a place of full public visibility. in BROAD daylight! *gasps* nobody knows when it’ll attack, tho there are theories abound. it arouses disgust to onlookers, and for the victim… trauma, devastation…
clue: it is the bane of every vain girl’s existence.

yes, indeed i’m talking about pimples.
i am very VERY tired of people talking about pimples. what gives, man? are they amusing? entertaining? do they bring joy to the hearts of man?
so forgive me for mentioning these things that cause irritation to me - it’s just one of the once-in-a-lifetime raves that i’d like to share with whoever else who wants to read and embrace the fact that people should leave my pimples alonnnneeee.

i’d think a good acronym for pimples is : Please Ignore My Presence Lest Expecting SH*T
however, since it is not spelled out on my face (thank God!) people have the tendency to give unnecessary comments that only add insult to injury.

#1 - why do you keep getting pimples?
comments: why??? because i sit there and rub oil on my face three times a day. or maybe it’s because i pray to God every night to get new pimples the next morning. HELLOO??? do i WANT them there? perhaps you’re being all scientific and all, researching on the causes of pimples popping up on the faces of poor unsuspecting victims. but, for goodness sake, sometimes it can’t be helped, no matter how much cleanser n moisturizer you put on your face. so like… why do you keep pissing me off?

#2 - another pimple?
comments: oh no, i think it’s a parasite that is leeching off my blood vessels on my face. if it grows long enough, it can reach my pituitary glands and suck out all my hormones, only to expand and burst uglily just before i attend a very big public event. alternatively it could be cancerous tumour growing right in the centre of my T-zone. yes, you can get cancer there too. maybe i’ll go for surgery to remove it. like you need to go for surgery to remove your brain. oh wait, you dont have one, remember?

#3 - why is your face so oily?
comments: this is another pimple related "why" question that ticks me off. can be answered with the "oil" inference in #1. this can also be related to "why are your nose and forehead so shiny?". for goodness sake, what do you expect me to say - that i polish my face? do people so that? what is wrong with them? what is wrong with YOU?

#4 - i don’t think you’re taking care of your face properly
comments: neither do i. maybe i should spend RM 5000 of my parents’ money per week to buy skincare products and put dollops of it all over my face. or i can go for surgery each time i have a pimple so it can be beautiful and spotless just for you. you know what? i don’t think you’re taking care of your health properly. if you were, you’d have held back that last comment. as a matter of fact, you should’ve just stopped at "i dont think"

#5 - how come she has a nice complexion and you dont?
comments: because she prayed to the goddess of beauty to keep her face pretty and spotless? maybe she spends RM5000 of her parents’ money per week buying skincare products. or maybe she’s just one of those lucky ppl who does not get the occasional uglification of her face. which one of the theories? you choose, you’re the one who asked. or you could’ve rephrased ur question and said "how come she has a nice clear face while yours looks like the surface of the moon after being hit by an asteroid?"

#6 - look at your pimple scars!
comments: where? on tv? what channel? oh wait you mean in a mirror. why? are they very nice to look at? [this is usually followed by "you should do something about them"] okay, i’ll write them a complaint letter and see if they respond. i’ll post it tomorrow morning. no? okay, i’ll email, it’s faster. cmon, give me a break. it’s bad enough that you can see what used to be a pimple - you don’t have to bug me about it. i’ll put lightening cream alright? or would you prefer it if i wore a paper bag over my head?

#7 - where did your pimple go?
comments: oh, it decided to leave me yesterday. i sent it off at the airport, gave it some hugs and kisses. for goodness sake, can you just be thankful that it’s not on my face anymore???? can you like FORGET THE WHOLE IDEA that i had a pimple here? i have successfully managed to dodge/tolerate the other 6 idiotic questions and i think my life is back on track, then you have to go and spoil it with this comment about something already inexistent and totally irrelevant in normal conversation! or do you miss it already? do you want me to ask it to come back???

this is just the cream of the crop, you know. some people try to conceal their tactlessness by changing their words, in hopes not to make the person pissed. well, let me tell you - sorry, you FAILED. (i’ll make this part shorter due to the guilt of blogging n not studying)

#1 - "everyone gets them."
comments: yes, i know it’s a common occurance. i have some knowledge of science, you know. you know it too. so, why bother saying it? your day wouldn’t have become any less interesting.

#2 - "it doesnt matter"
comment: then why are you mentioning it? maybe it’s because you want to reassure yourself that you will survive walking next to a person with several impurities on her face.

#3 - "would you like some concealer?"
comment: to put in your mouth? look, honey, i’m already out in public with you. i don’t care what people are thinking now, do you? you do, dont you?

#4 - "aw, you still look pretty with it around."
comments: you could have just said "you look pretty." save your breath, save our time, save your NECK.

so in the end, i’d just conclude that people should stop pinpointing the little mistakes in life and look at the complete picture, inside and out. (see! moral value to be learnt!) therefore, the next time you notice the appearance of this source of evil, whether it is on someone else’s face or your own, remember what it’s telling you: PIMPLES (refer above)
do your bit to make society a better place.
over and out.

i am one of the smallest shards of this glass ball of a world.
to watch the things pass by like i were insignificant…
brilliant, yet disheartening…

okay emoness.
today was a fairly bad day that turned out good anyway. i think anyway.
had a seminar yesterday and today, and both days told mom the wrong time.
i tell you, i’m really thanking God that she wasn’t angry. thanks too, mom.
i let the dog loose again today. didnt latch the gate properly - and i was grumbling last time cos manda did that, lol! well it’s human nature to be slightly careless.
so i had to catch him. attacking someone’s peugeot summore (actually trying to get some small furry animal under the car). lucky he didnt bite me.
oh well.

dedication:
im still wondering if everything’s okay with you. you seemed so different tonight.
distant. did i make you guilty? did i do something wrong?
or is there something else? >.<

[niteeee!!! tata everybodyyyy.]

ligurl <smouldering>

says:
so like.. today’s oct 27th

ligurl <smouldering>

says:
and we sorta realized there wouldn’t be another oct 27th til next year…

Okay i admit that was a very silly thing to say. ISHH! Stop laughing lar Ying. I can just imagine May’s reaction. Actually, i DONT want to imagine her reaction. *locks myself in a cupboard to hide* o wait no i’m claustrophobic…. eee….

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cos I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am…

I’m opening my eyes, opening my heart. ^-^

i can’t believe i spent SOOOO much in singapore.

parents n i decided to go down for two nites, bunkin at my uncle’s place. coming down was beautiful - we got there in 4 hrs. sunday was shopping day - holiday in singapore.

OMG i spent so much. i feel so bad. i mean, i still have quite a lot leftover from angpau n stuff…

oho but i like what i bought. completed my fruits basket manga collection!!! [note to manga lovers: if you want good furuba manga, but the Chuangyi one. Really, it is so much more beautiful than Tokyopop] i am just SOOOO happy about it. will read after SPM.

clothes galore! (all black tho - uncle was shocked at my choice of colour. oh well) won’t say what i bought but i’ll wear it soon enough, wahaha.

i realize i sound like a ditz. maybe i AM a ditz. egad! alas!!! *faints dramatically*

after coming home from S’pore, i came into my room and yelled "OMG the place’s been ransacked!!!!"
after a while i realized it was just how i left it. awh well. cleanup time. ^-^

over n out.

i’ve made up my mind.

i was always worried about what people would want in a book. would my writing to be clichéd? would my storyline be dry?

right now it doesn’t matter anymore.

this is something i want to do. nobody will stop me. ^-^

[love is blue]